yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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It was like giving head to a cactus.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize