So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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