Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
