What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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