it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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