The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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