is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
