Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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