I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
