Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
