im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
