You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
