she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
