You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
