I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
