So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
