All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
