There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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