does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
