Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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