I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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