WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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