why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
a search helicopter?!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
