It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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