The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
