And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
