I am spending my child support on dildos
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
