Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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