I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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