Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
