btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
