meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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