my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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