Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
