Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
