Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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