those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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