I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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