i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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