Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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