The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
