My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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