Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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