benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
