rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
