i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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