Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened