My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
