Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name