Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
