Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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