My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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