Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
