i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she looked like the before picture.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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