To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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