yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
