The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
