Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
