i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
