She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
