I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
