whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
