you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
