sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
