Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
