dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
