well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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