Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
