If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
