I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
