Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
