rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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